I read blogs with awe.. how the blogs flow, the lovely style of the writing and journey they take me on is breathtaking.
I have never felt I could contribute to such a wonderful pool of intelligent and insightful thinking. But the thing is, I’ve started to feel like I want to.
It has been the strongest feeling.. almost like a physical pull on me.. It’s been on my mind frequently for quite a while.
The desire to engage my brain in a new way, by doing something different and challenging.
But you see.. now we have a problem. In my head this conversation happens…
Me: ohhh.. I wonder if maybe I should ask to contribute to Advent Blogs this year?
Internal Voice: Sure, but can you produce a blog as insightful and interesting as the other contributors?
Me: Well.. umm.. I’ve never been a ‘good’ writer.. it doesn’t come naturally to me…
Interval voice: Exactly, you couldn’t produce something half as good as all the people who contribute now. The standard is so high.
Me: That’s true.. I’ll leave it for now then.. maybe next year…
I compare. I make comparisons. All the time. Those comparisons make me feel bad about myself. When I read the theme for this years’ Advent Blogs 2015 it shouted at me. For me it was a comparison.
Comet Tails = good
Coal Dust = bad
Without me even trying I had applied my ‘comparing’ thoughts to the wonderful Advent Blogs. All the great bloggers are shiny, fast moving beautiful comet tails.
I can’t even begin to try and join in with those amazing writers.
I feel bad.
Here’s my secret, feeling bad about myself so often is a tiring thing….
“You’ll never write a blog as succinctly as she has…”
“You’ll never be able to ask an insightful question as he does..”
“You’ll never be respected for your professional opinion as much as they are..”
Truthfully, I’m tired of feeling tired. I am tired of making comparisons and feeling bad.
I heard a quote a little while ago:
‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ (T.Roosevelt)
I haven’t been able to shake the quote from my head.. it was powerful and it has triggered something for me.
Looking back over 2015 I have been so very lucky to have spent time talking with and working with some amazing people. Those people are all shiny, fast moving beautiful comets. They have given me their time, insight, ideas, support and friendship. Some have challenged me and helped me grow.
I am so very grateful for that and I have decided I don’t want to lose the joy I get from them by comparing all the time.